For many people in the USA, this time of the year can be difficult. The season of Thanksgiving and cheer is often dominated by one large commitment: to assemble with family, whether we like them or not, and (presumably) enjoy ourselves and each other.   Unfortunately for many of […]

When an attitude of gratitude is not enough.

Imagine your husband as a few different men – the family man, the lover, the provider, the friend, the playmate, the rival. Do you like them all? Do they all partner you well? Or is one of them a problem? I often think in metaphors, because it helps me put […]

The problem may only be with one of your husbands…

It’s amazing sometimes the reasons why couples get into arguments! As I sit and write this, I am still grappling to forgive my husband Jeff, and myself, for an argument that we had last night – over deleting some files on his computer! I said I explained how to do […]

You get to sit in on my own personal coaching session.

Growing up, I learned that giving was good and taking was questionable. At least, I was taught that to be a good wife, mother, friend, sister I was expected to give more than I took. I certainly never heard that one day, saving my marriage would depend on my – […]

Improve your marriage – learn to be more selfish!

My husband Jeff came home distraught the other day. On one of our most recent vacations, he had taken considerable time and care to go around the table telling each person in our family of 6 what he loved and appreciated about them. However, in a recent conversation with his […]

We all live on our own planet: population = 1.

Scientists, doctors and researchers agree that meditation is good for our health and minds. But did you know that it is also good for our relationships? One of the most significant tools that my husband Jeff and I have used to improve our relationship is meditating together. Jeff Is a committed Christian […]

Couples who MEDITATE together, STAY together

In this “you complete me” culture that we live in, where attending to your partner’s needs and maintaining harmony in the relationship, is used as the yardstick for success, when is it OK to upset your spouse? It may be surprising to realize that deliberately upsetting your loved one can be OK – […]

When is it OK – even necessary – to upset your spouse?

I want to share an amazing tip to keeping your relationship free from unneccessary “pollution”. Here, I share the details of this quick, easy-to-use tool with you, so you can implement it immediately. I often teach my clients about the energetic anatomy of a relationship, so that they can understand […]

Is life polluting your relationship?

In the blog Integrity – the key to having good sex!, I explained that taking your relationship to the next level of intimacy requires  healing your integrity and learning to hold onto it in the presence of each other, without sacrificing your connection. Because, when we suffer the daily push and pull of marriage, we lose parts of […]

Intimacy demands knowing what you want, which in turn demands self-esteem.

Photo credit: tamaralvarez / / CC BY-NC-ND 1
I’m going to share with you my husband Jeff and my approach to healing our marriage and how we went from a marriage in crisis (where one of the symptoms was that I had declared that I never wanted to have sex ever again) – to today, where we are […]

Integrity – the key to having good sex!

The book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” was a wonderful preparation for almost everything I needed to know about having a baby, except for the rather devastating effects it had on my dignity – and as a consequence, my sexuality.  It took me a long time to understand quite how violated the experience had left […]

What I didn’t learn from “What to Expect…” about child birth

In my experience, yes and no. No: My husband travels a lot for work and we both used to have the expectation that when he was home, we would both be happy to be together again and would try to make the most of it. If the kids were with our exes, we’d plan a […]

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

In my previous blog “Your marriage in crisis may be a good thing!“, I explained that one of the tools my husband and I have used to achieve intimacy breakthroughs in our marriage, is “active differentiation”.  As described by David Schnarch in his book “Passionate Marriage”, Differentiation is your ability […]

What it feels like to differentiate.

One of my earliest memories is of being so terrified of that man in the living room – my father – that when I left my favorite soft toy behind at bedtime, I was too afraid to go and get it. I was (maybe) three.  I know, because I didn’t have the vocabulary to explain to […]

The ripple effects of a childhood choice to be brave.

My husband and I have a blended family with four beautiful children.  When we began living together, our children were ages 4, 9, 13 and 16 respectively, and their comfort in our home was among our top priorities.  We wanted them to feel free to be themselves, to have as much access to their […]

Re-establishing sensuality and intimacy in a blended family.

As I suspect happens with many people, when my husband and I came together as a couple, we gradually adjusted our personalities to better suit our relationship.  Somewhat unconsciously, we each emphasized those parts of ourselves we believed the other liked and appreciated, and downplayed those parts we sensed the other might disapprove of.   This is […]

Your marriage in crisis may be a good thing!

If you are successful at almost anything you do, but have been a serial monogamist your whole life – perhaps even in and out of a marriage or two – and have given up hope that you’ll ever figure out why your relationships keep failing, you’re like me. If you have been […]

Successful at everything – except relationships!